Once You Go Big Black Glasses…
My mom was cleaning up and left my old glasses out for me to put away. My eyes haven’t really changed that much from sixth grade when I got my first set till now, which means my prescription and my lenses have changed hardly at all, but I’ve gone through five frames because insurance lets me.
The first two were wire and as round as I could get them. I was trying to be Harry Potter. Instead I just like a bushy haired Hermione with freaking crazy looking oval glasses. Fine for a boy, but for a girl, yikes.
The next two were Tina Fey based. The first was a sort of honey colored brown and it didn’t work well for me. The second were brown and the closest I’d get to Liz Lemon. They’re more rectangular than oval, but I liked them and they suited me. They got a little loose and my left eyelashes would always rub against the lens so I never wore them consistently, but they worked when I needed them.
The fifth pair, the one I wear now, are big black frames that are inspired by Roger Sterling and my grandpa on my mom’s side. I suppose the best way to describe them is your typical hipster glasses, and it’s a shame, because I’m not one of them! I prefer the image of the Rugby model. You know - they’re always wearing their fabulous preppy or fancy clothes and then they tack on those big black plastic frames for some edge. Yes, that’s the image I like thank you very much.
I wear them a lot now, probably more often in public than not. I usually keep them on for photos. It’s part of the new me. I like them. They’ve opened up, well, let’s say, a whole new way of seeing the world to me.
I tried on the fourth set, the brown Liz Lemons, that my mom left out. I looked in the mirror. My sensitive gag reflex did its worst. The Mad Men/Rugby/5th set glasses I wear now are really big by any means, and compared with these old, regular sized frames, well the old ones look tiny. My whole face looks pinched and scrunched and squinched into the center. It’s quite jarring.
There’s no underlying theme to this post. I was hoping it’d come to me as I wrote. Not really. So I’ll end with this.
I’ve been trying to work on this joke for about two hours now. It’s just not coming to me. I’m going to have to throw this one out there and forget about it, since it’s never going to get any better.
Once you go big black glasses,
You never go back…big glasses.
