State of the Block: Tumblr Frustration
Disaster Strikes
This is a quick post since I think I’ve spent about 2 hours working on four posts and only three remain. In the act of trying to clean the site and my computer up, I accidentally deleted most of my posts and all of the copies I had of them that were saved on my hard drive. I’ve tried everything, and there’s nothing I can do to get them back. So I threw myself a five minute pity party.
One was a post I’d written on December 14th where I was depressed and pretty uncertain about my life as I was about to go in to exams. One was the post I’d written at 1:30am on New Years day. The third was just a pretty quick recap of where the blog is heading and how this week has turned from crummy to, well, better. I most upset about losing the New Years post since I did spend a bit of time on it, but I’m not devastated because it was mostly recap. And it was recap of a pretty funny story - one I’ve told a lot of people and will be stuck in my mind so I can pull it out to share with others whenever I’m stuck in a conversation. It’s not the end of the world, it’s just disappointing. Luckily I’ve realized my mistake and fixed it so I won’t lose any more posts, and my very lengthly first day on the hill post is still in tact. My first post turned out to be pretty funny when I was polishing it up since in just a month my outlook had really changed. My third post was hardly something I’d relish reading years from now.
So I’m over it. And when you lose things with no way to get them back you come to realize that for most of these things, well it’s disappointing but it’s okay.
This Damn First Week
In the past seven days I went from just a little part of me wanting to get back and get going on school and on the hill. Then I got that wish. All of that optimism was gone the moment I woke up on Monday in this place that was so shockingly white - it was the only thing I noticed when I wheeled my bag in late the night before. A set designer couldn’t have made it more obvious: home was rich and colorful and this place looked as sickly and plain as some prison/hospital mix. Tuesday was exciting and lethargic at the same time, and while I was relieved I had some of my barrings by the time I came back to the dorm, I also was confronted with the fact that however many times I told myself that interning was just grunt work, I had always dreamed it would be just like the West Wing. A stupid, silly notion for sure, but now that I would do real work there all of those fantasies were going to be shattered for good. I went to bed that night wondering what might happen if at the end of this I realized that this perhaps is not what I want. What then? On Wednesday I had one class and besides going to that, I just sat and sulked. But on Thursday I got back on the old planning horse and pulled myself out of that rut. I got some food at the store, ordered my books, organized the next few days, and felt a lot better. Today I had my one last class of the week, worked on the blog, and have been planning opportune weekends for coming home. All in all, I think I’m in an upswing. And I’m even more sure that ever “first week back” is going to be an anomaly from the rest of the semester. I’ll be excited, then sad, then ready to chuck it all, and then I’ll get myself out of it. And I think I’ll allow myself the first week for just that.
Here’s what you can expect from the BBOC in the weeks ahead.
- Monday & Tuesday - “The Hill” recaps on the internship that day
- Thursday - A few quick reactions about and quotes from The Office, Parks and Rec, and 30 Rock
- Friday - An in depth review of Community (and if I do it well, how that episodes relates to my life and your life and why of course you should watch).
As for Wednesday, Saturday, and Sunday? Don’t get me wrong, I still want to post something, even if it’s just a photo, a quote, or a conversation, every day, and hopefully at least a little vignette. But let’s face it - if 3 of the 7 days have pretty lengthly text posts, I think we can all use a break during the other 4 days.
New Years
I’ll close up shop for day with the one paragraph salvaged from the New Years post. It was an introduction like a conclusion, but I like it. It’s a little moment I think is well written, and I probably wouldn’t remember if it wasn’t written down.
It’s 1:36. I’m writing this on Kevin’s netbook, lying in the loft bed. I’m in pajamas, a soft upgrade from the tight black dress that’s lying on the floor. My studded black ballet flats have been replaced by slippers, a welcome remedy for my tender broken blisters. The hum in my ears has all but disappeared. I’m going to fall asleep a little sore, a little wiser, and happy. All in all, it seems a pretty good way to start off a new year.
