The Big Block of Cheese

"For as long as I can remember, I always wanted to be in a mafia movie."

Mon, 04 Jun 2012 10:06:54 -0400

“For as long as I can remember, I always wanted to be in a mafia movie.”

- Abed

Hello during a random desert…

Sat, 02 Jun 2012 18:21:00 -0400

Hello during a random desert…

Birthday Eve

Thu, 31 May 2012 23:42:12 -0400

I’m going to bed for the very last time as a teenager. It’s meant ruminating all week and especially tonight. When I was little, we would tape videos: things I learned when I was six, seven, and so on. What have I learned this year? Quite a lot. And thankfully, it’s all been basically for the better.

Before I stay awake for another hour, pondering all of this, it’s time to take a look at a poem from childhood. It was in a big book of children’s poems, and my favorite was a set of four about four different horses. But once a year, we’d read this one.

When I have said my evening prayer,
And my clothes are folded on the chair,
And mother switches off the light,
I’ll still be 19 years old tonight.

But from the very break of day,
Before the children rise and play,
Before the darkness turns to gold,
Tomorrow, I’ll be 20 years old.

20 kisses when I wake,
20 candles on my cake.

Goodnight everyone. See you as a twenty something.

Photo

Wed, 30 May 2012 16:25:59 -0400

My sister took this picture on her run last night. It was...

Wed, 30 May 2012 12:55:49 -0400

My sister took this picture on her run last night. It was gorgeous Tuesday and so she drove me up to riding and ran while I sat on a creature and made it run. Sometimes I forget how beautiful this place is, but not often. No editing, no filters, just a picture I don’t want to forget.

"I’m in the GAP, looking at boxers…"

Wed, 30 May 2012 12:25:12 -0400

“I’m in the GAP, looking at boxers…”

- We don’t always call each other. But when we do, it’s about something really important.

"That’s a $40 belt that you got for $14. Well, actually, you got it for free."

Mon, 28 May 2012 17:40:25 -0400

“That’s a $40 belt that you got for $14. Well, actually, you got it for free.”

- Shopping with someone else’s money never really gets old does it?

"Men don’t take the time to end things. They ignore you until you insist on a declaration of..."

Mon, 28 May 2012 13:04:00 -0400

“Men don’t take the time to end things. They ignore you until you insist on a declaration of hate.”

- Joan “Holy Crap Where Have You Been All My Life” Holloway

"What? I said you look nice and I said I don’t want to do this."

Mon, 28 May 2012 11:52:11 -0400

“What? I said you look nice and I said I don’t want to do this.”

- Roger Silver Fox Sterling

Texts from the Tolls

Sun, 27 May 2012 12:54:47 -0400

Mary: When are we hanging out on Google+ again?
Laura: As soon as humanly possible. Well, after I'm back from the yacht club.
Mary: You're going to a yacht club...hahaha.
Mary: It's funny because if anything is the opposite of a yacht, it's a toll booth.

SVU Commentary with Laura

Fri, 25 May 2012 22:27:00 -0400

It’s my good great grand friend’s Matt’s birthday today! As anyone who knows me knows, there are two parts to a birthday celebration. First, there’s the gift/card/personal whatever. That can be attending a party or going to the damn thought to find something. That’s the fun part to me, the finding of the gift. I freaking compete with the gifts. I’ve been able to tone down my competitiveness in a lot of ways, but with presents I only ramp up. It’s bad, because if I get a better gift than the one I gave, I turn from grateful to pissed in about five seconds flat. And then I feel like a failure. The lesson is, get me crappy gifts! I’ll feel better about myself!

I’m going on a tangent. I hate being sentimental - I’m bad at it. Sometimes I try to write cards. I hate cards because you want them to be funny but then they get serious and then if someone’s reading it in front of people they just feel uncomfortable. So, instead, I usually ditch the card. The card comes in part 2. The facebook wall post. Jam it so full of inside jokes and references that it’s absolute gibberish to the rest of the world. And if you’re close friends, you better damn well be the first one at midnight. (There’s an issue with time zones, but that’s a whole other story.) Problem is, it was just Mary’s birthday, and I don’t want to give Matt a repeat of the best of the best. So, we have this. Matt’s been on me to watch this episode of SVU FOREVER, and, since I can’t watch it with him, here’s the next best thing: my timestamped commentary. Enjoy Matt, and have a shimshamsmashing birthday!

0:00 Oh I’m sad Matt and Mary aren’t here. Why aren’t I on Matt’s bed? Why aren’t they canoodling and why aren’t I glaring at them? Chong chong!

0:30 Hey! The scary sounds make me feel like those two were in prison, or some place rapey, but instead they’re just making out against the lockers in high school! Man, I never did that. That’s a bummer for me. But somehow I think I’m going to be better off than these characters.

0:39 Ugh they both said “I love you.” They’re, like, 12. BOOO.

0:46 Oh now they’re making fun of her for saying I love you! I mean, among other things. I don’t care. If I had just a little bit more confidence in high school, I’d have been a real bitch instead of just being quiet and sitting in the library. Seriously, kids that weren’t in the popular group have such a tragic notion of themselves back in high school. The truth is, most of us were pretty terrible too, we were just too quiet to do anything about it or make it known to the world.

1:00 And…after some pretty terrible acting from high schoolers, she just fell down a flight of stairs. And her name is Kim. So maybe she deserved it.

1:10 Okay she’s in a coma I feel bad now.

1:40 Elliott and Olivia are in the same shot. Why don’t they just get together. Oh right the show would take an immediate nosedive and this isn’t a soap and who ships in crime shows? I only ship when I see myself as one of the characters (cough ANNIE EIDSON cough) or when I’m bored. This is not the case. Just enjoy the damn, well crafted show, Hardwick!

1:50 “Somebody’s beating the hell out of her!” Awww they didn’t make that into an inappropriate pun. Good for them, saying words before the credits that don’t have to be zingers and undercut the severity of the situation.

But…if they did…maybe they’d say something like…”that girl’s been kicked in the head

“Well we’re going to coma and get the guy that did it!” YEEEEEEEEAH

2:39 Commercial. Well at least we aren’t changing the channel to Moose Wars.

3:43 The dad’s an ethical dude from Lehman, but unfortunately, he is not a 40 year old that I am into. Why can’t all the dads be Joel McHale? Why can’t everyone be Joel McHale?

4:20 Ugh her nickname was Kimmy?

4:25 Maybe when they unceremoniously cancel the crap fest that Community season 4 is tragically and certainly about to become, Joel McHale can replace Elliott. He was awesome in that Law and Order episode. Oh but SVU’s going to get cancelled after next season. WHERE WILL I GO FOR MY JOEL?

4:44 The dad just punched the vending machine. Hard. Why do they think they hurt your daughter? Because you just beat up a hunk of metal.

5:20 Ooh you think she spends too much time with her boyfriend? Well it’s your job to get in there and pop up every time they come within 20 feet of each other. This is why I can’t have kids. I was so out of it for all these quintessential high school experiences I’d basically expect all of my kids to be hermits. Anything more would basically turn them into whores in my eyes. Yeah I’ll just be an awesome Aunt with horses and famous friends and stuff.

5:30 I love the way this show needs people to be walking and moving - it’s their trademark and it keeps the momentum going. But for god sakes, are we supposed to assume that the boyfriend was answering questions while he was doing laps, and he just now decides to get out of the pool? He answered a question he clearly couldn’t have heard since he was UNDER WATER.

5:36 I wouldn’t be a good SVU cop. Every time I’d deal with this high school crap I’d be like “shove it! You at least had a boyfriend (past tense) that’s more than some of the rest of us can say!”

5:45 Gross, speedo.

6:18 Okay, seriously, the boxing instructor wouldn’t stop hitting a punching bag to talk to detectives?

6:45 Oh, Kim was the best at boxing wasn’t she? Maybe she could’ve used some PRACTICAL APPLICATIONS.

7:16 Holy crap Elliott kicked that dude in the balls. And it was awesome.

7:39 Oh why is no one here to laugh at ICE-T with me?

8:02 These kid actors are awful. Almost as bad as the kids on Modern Family. BOOOOOOYAH.

8:07 Well, that’s the geeeighest looking cop I’ve ever seen.

8:31 Come on, Elliott has teenage daughters, everyone knows what sexting is, whe don’t need him to play dumb for purposes of exposition. Wait, I guess most people who watch this show are outside the key demo so maybe they do. TV INSIDER TALK OVER

8:49 Okay cop, “viraled” is not a word.

9:34 HOT DOCTOR, HOT DOCTOR ALERT.

9:40 Oooooh my god they’re talking about “spoofing,” faking a caller ID number. We used to do this thing in high school, it’s an app called Spoof Card, and it lets you call someone from a different number and manipulate your voice. Most people saw through it in a second but there were a few real gems that stayed on the phone. It was actually really cruel. But since when do I feel guilt?

10:00 WOAH they put Elliott’s phone number on screen. Maybe we can call him and convince him to come back! Oh son of a bitch it’s a 555. I think I’ll use it as my fake if there are any creepy guys that ask for it in LA. Then at least they’ll know right away that I’m blowing them off.

10:50 Elliott reeeeeally didn’t want to go to Queens.

11:16 Of course the kid was in costume. And of course he looks like a pimp. But I don’t care Ice-T is here!

11:35 Oh this kid was in one of my favorite movies, City Island, as a pervy high schooler who was into porn with really fat chicks. (Yes, I do want to be a writer when I grow up, why do you ask?)

11:57 “Hot girls don’t really go for drama geeks.” Aaw, this is bumming me out. He’s probably the killer but I don’t care, I feel bad.

12:27 I miss Ice-T’s pony tail.

12:50 AAAAAH JANE BRAUN IS HERE! The counselor was a campaign manager in the west wing. I hated and loved her. (She was a Republican, but she was a crafty one.) I miss blondie though.

14:15 Olivia’s on the side of the drama geek and Ice-T is really pulling for the jock. How awesome for the drama geek if a girl that hot was into him! Am I watching the show wrong or something?

14:37 Aw she just wanted to be friends with the drama geek. And this poor sad sack has to tell the SVU team all about it.

15:55 The jock just said he loved her. I am so so so on the angry drama geek’s side even though he probably did it.

18:25 Woah oh my god you can produce child porn of yourself? Good lord. Thank god I’m 19. JUST KIDDING.

19:19 Oh look it’s that actress from Dr. Who! I don’t even watch Dr. Who I just know basically the whole plot from tumblr. I could go on and on.

19:47 How does this girl still look hot after being in prison?

20:07 Okay I’m sorry the actress from Dr. Who is playing a character called Ms. Pond. On Dr. Who she’s the daughter of Karen Gillian who plays a character named Amy Pond. So if she kept her family name she’d be River Song Pond. Isn’t that nice?

20:10 Oooh she said the word lascivious I like that word.

21:45 Oh come on SVU that was blatant “the more you know stuff” right there.

21:56 She’s got her arm in a cast and a bloody eye. And she immediately says “it was an accident.” I’m sorry, this is funny, right? Oh you don’t have a skateboard no one has a skateboard anymore!

22:25 You know what I hate this chick. If you’re that much of an idiot to think the person you’re “in love with” should be able to beat you maybe you deserve it. Okay that’s wrong I didn’t mean it. But I hate her.

23:04 I love the chief. Oh god their own kids might see their own naked pics? That’s a thought that’s going to fester.

24:10 Oh man Braun said “viraled” too? It’s not a verb!!!

25:00 I love this judge.

25:14 My guess is her dad now. No, no it’s not her dad. I hope it’s the jock. Seriously who the hell could it be? Someone we don’t know?

25:52 “I know someone who might get through to her.” - Olivia. Please let it be Ice-T, please let it be Ice-T. Or Munch. Or Wong. Where the hell have those two lazy asses been, eh?

25:59 Ugh no it’s an ugly girl. WOAH WHAT THE HELL THAT’S ELLIOTT’S DAUGHTER. Is she the schizo? I wish the actress was just a little bit better.

27:00 “I love him? How could I betray him?” Some people really are too stupid to be alive. I’m reminded of a lovely little quote from Ocean’s 13 (which, while was not said by George Clooney, was said to him, so his face got to be on screen most of the time). “If Reuben was too weak or too stupid to see what was going down, then you know what? He didn’t belong here. He’s made the right choice: roll over and die. Let him be.”

28:43 THAAAAAAAAT’S RIGHT! Ethan’s the good nice one! The jock, who, granted, is pretty damn attractive, is gonna do some damn time! I’m surprised though, SVU would usually twist it so it’s the poor sad kid we have to feel sorry for, instead of the rich bratty one who’s too good looking for his own good.

29:46 And she still won’t date the nice kid? Because he’s only like half as good looking as her boyfriend? Well listen up sweetheart, that drama geek is a talented actor. He worked with Al Pacino! He’s going to get super rich and super hot and super famous and you’re going to keep getting kicked in the head!

30:30 ROGUE JUDGE! ROGUE JUDGE! What the hell is this crap? She’s going to be a sex offender now?

31:26 Go tear that evil looking judge’s hair out!

34:00 Okay the jock’s dad is definitely really rich and paying her off. Or she’s just evil. Because I hate that blonde girl a lot.

34:48 What the hell this judge is insane. Oh my god there’s no way this episode wraps up in 7 minutes!

36:12 Hee hee, Elliott’s such a badass. Sittin on people’s benzs.

37:35 Oh Elliott, those are really, truly, terrible glasses. Take my big bad ray bans, you’d look really hot in them.

37:45 And he’s got an accent. Awesomesauce!

37:57 He’s also definitely padded up. Glasses, fatty, accent. I still love Elliott.

39:10 “You can always show your appreciation with a donation to my reelection campaign.” Geeze this episode just became something completely different didn’t it? 4 minutes ago Olivia was in jail!

39:30 YES BD WONG IS HERE! With someone that looks like…his son? His daughter? A dude wearing lipstick? I don’t care because it’s BD! If only we had Munch too. Oh god did Munch leave? No, no he didn’t. Oh man he has a sad life story. Dammit IMBD stop making me feel things! Oh and he was on 30 Rock! That was a great episode. Matt we’re watching that in the spring.

40:00 GET HER.

40:38 HOLY CRAP it’s the theater geek! Oh I really like him. Even though he looks very much like a girl at this moment.

40:57 Now that she’s all beat up she’s not as hot, so maybe it’ll be more acceptable for her to date the theater geek!

41:00 Aw he didn’t even get a kiss?

41:30 I recognize that I watch the show wrong without you guys.

Well now I obviously have to watch another one. You can’t just watch one law and order!

(I did this three days ago. I have now pretty much watched all of Season 8 now. Screw you Matt! And happy birthday! Oh god I’m alone as a teenager. Come back! Or fine I’ll catch up with you in 7 days!)

"Last day as a teenager! No worries, tomorrow will feel no different than today. But with cake!!"

Fri, 25 May 2012 19:16:50 -0400

“Last day as a teenager! No worries, tomorrow will feel no different than today. But with cake!!”

- Mary Devlin, On Turning 20

paradigms-of-a-time-lord-memory: oh god Well, I’m...

Wed, 23 May 2012 10:12:51 -0400

paradigms-of-a-time-lord-memory:

oh god

Well, I’m crying.

Photo

Tue, 22 May 2012 16:11:31 -0400

"She’s going to go to LA, and ilk liv win some shity apartment, and del like scared and sad and..."

Mon, 21 May 2012 16:33:23 -0400

“She’s going to go to LA, and ilk liv win some shity apartment, and del like scared and sad and lonely and weird all the time.”

- Hannah, “Girls”

That shark thing was not a metaphor.

Sun, 20 May 2012 10:56:03 -0400

There’s been a ton of talk about how six seasons and a movie was a battle cry, not something we literally wanted. I think it’s a fantastic battle cry, but I guess I differ from a lot of great and enthusiastic people in this fandom. I remember an interview from season 2 where he said that seven years is as good amount of time to hang out with someone, as in it was a good amount of time for a tv show. Remember back in season one and two when everyone was asking what would happen to the group after they graduated from Greendale? He always, always said that he had a plan, and that Community was named Community, not Community College, because it was about this group of people. And seasons 2 and 3, which spent so much time off campus, proved that the group could exist and grow after graduation. I know, season 3 brought us all back down, hoping for any scraps that we might get, but I don’t think it’s greedy to have wanted seven seasons for this show. I think it deserves that kind of support. Dan Harmon’s Community did, anyway.

Give me the hope to run out of steam.

Sun, 20 May 2012 10:04:00 -0400

I never, never thought I’d say this, but now I don’t think I want #sixseasonsandamovie. Because even if we got three more seasons and a damn movie, it wouldn’t be #sixseasonsandamovie. Not without him.

I’m not saying I won’t watch the show in the fall. But I’m not saying I will. But if I do end up tuning it, I can’t imagine caring like I used to. And all of this is breaking my heart.

"Well I’ve never been one for meeting new people. Or doing new things. Or eating new types of..."

Fri, 18 May 2012 14:58:24 -0400

“Well I’ve never been one for meeting new people. Or doing new things. Or eating new types of food.”

- Ron Fucking Swanson

"Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets."

Fri, 18 May 2012 14:56:57 -0400

“Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.”

- Ron Fucking Swanson

Can we just take a second to recognize that all their dioramas from Anthro really paid off since they had to make one for their Elaborate Heist?

Fri, 18 May 2012 10:33:29 -0400